The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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