I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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