You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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