Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
