Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
