He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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