just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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