i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
