so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
