I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
