I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
