I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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