I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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