I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
