Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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