It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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