DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Text me some of your sweat
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
