I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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