I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i wish my penis had a tongue
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
