I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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