life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
