Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize
