just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
