If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
