Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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