We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
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I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
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i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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