why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
