you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
