If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
