THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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