If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
