after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
