i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
