just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
