I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
