I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
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crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
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OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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