The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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