All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
