He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Is it because I queefed?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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