Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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