Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
