My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I didn't notice because vodka
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
