You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
