captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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