well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
