I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
