So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
