My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
send nudes
from the living room?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
