My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
