No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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