i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
