Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
