I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
