dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
