I'm so fucking centered right now
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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