I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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