the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
