think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
