i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
