Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
