Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
