I think im going to throw up on grandma
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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