she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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