Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
