You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
