She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
