dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
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