I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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