Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
