they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
