Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
