I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
