i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
