so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
