Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
