I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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