either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
