What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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