I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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