my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
