i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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