Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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