fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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